Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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