i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
