i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
