He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
