I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
