How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
