i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
