At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
