It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
