I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
