Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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