I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
