Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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