My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
