No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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