just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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