Everything about him screamed your future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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