so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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