I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
