I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
