When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
