What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
