Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize