Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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