he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
