Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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