It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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