His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
