we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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