Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
