Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
