You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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