at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
