the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
