How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
