Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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