Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
