I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just had sex bonerless
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
