It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
