He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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