so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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