My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
