we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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