there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
