I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
