I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
