i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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