So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
