My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
