I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i believe in u and ur pee
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
