I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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