she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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