There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize