going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
