guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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