girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
