Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
