The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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