Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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