All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
